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poly_bear's Journal
Created on 2004-01-13 13:07:04 (#1875782), last updated 2007-03-27
268 comments received, 286 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
33 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 12 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 13 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | poly_bear |
|---|---|
| Location: | MO |
BioI am a gay man in a relationship with another gay man. We live in the Midwest. And I have come to realize through the years of my life that I am polyamorus.
A quick explanation of what polyamory means for me in my life is due. People feel very different about this subject and it can be very controversial.
What I would be looking for is a third partner to my relationship. A gay man who would want to be with both me and my husband. I do not want a primary relationship and then a secondary partner. I don't want a boyfriend on the side (and I don't want my partner having one). I don't want a series of one or two night stands. While my partner and I play with others now and again, we are looking for something permanent.
Also, while we are experimenting recently with opening our relationship a tad, what we are looking for is fidelity!
Now I have come to realize that polyamory means a lot more than I originally thought it meant. This is due to the fact that all the people that I knew that identified themselves as poly were also polyfi. I thought they were one and the same... Now I've grown up a tad and realize there are as many definitions of polyamory as there are spirituality! I've been learning a lot about polyamory and I know what interests me and what doesn't. I've pissed some people off by telling them what I am NOT interested in, and been told I'm close minded and insensitive because I don't want what they want. I can want whatever I want! No one should dictate to anyone what they should or shouldn't want...
When my man and I met, what I wanted horrified him and hurt him. Then we met this guy that we both really liked...but he took advantage of us and it very quickly ended before it ever started. But the good thing that happened was that my wonderful man realized how amazing having a three-way relationship could be... It no longer scared him. He saw that loving another man did not threaten what he and I had, but in some ways, even intensified it!
In one unusual way or another, since I was little, I wanted more than one spouse. I remember playing house and when more than two kids wanted to play the husband/wife I saw no problem with that! I voted to let as many people play those roles as wanted! My child mind saw nothing wrong with there being as many spouses as we wanted!
When I got older and stumbled on books with extended families like Robert Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land" or Joan D Vinge's "The Outcasts of Heaven's Belt" or sorta even "Another Roadside Attraction," by Tom Robbins, something inside me responded powerfully, a note was touched inside of me, and I knew that was what I wanted...
Let's talk. Let's chat. Let's discuss. Let's respect each other's opinions... Let's ... date?
We want love and support and a relationship, we are not just cruising for sex...we want an extended lover relationship with a third man. We know of poly fidelitous relationships that have lasted for over a decade. It can work!
Special thanks to![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
digression for providing me with two wonderful icons!!!
A quick explanation of what polyamory means for me in my life is due. People feel very different about this subject and it can be very controversial.
What I would be looking for is a third partner to my relationship. A gay man who would want to be with both me and my husband. I do not want a primary relationship and then a secondary partner. I don't want a boyfriend on the side (and I don't want my partner having one). I don't want a series of one or two night stands. While my partner and I play with others now and again, we are looking for something permanent.
Also, while we are experimenting recently with opening our relationship a tad, what we are looking for is fidelity!
Now I have come to realize that polyamory means a lot more than I originally thought it meant. This is due to the fact that all the people that I knew that identified themselves as poly were also polyfi. I thought they were one and the same... Now I've grown up a tad and realize there are as many definitions of polyamory as there are spirituality! I've been learning a lot about polyamory and I know what interests me and what doesn't. I've pissed some people off by telling them what I am NOT interested in, and been told I'm close minded and insensitive because I don't want what they want. I can want whatever I want! No one should dictate to anyone what they should or shouldn't want...
When my man and I met, what I wanted horrified him and hurt him. Then we met this guy that we both really liked...but he took advantage of us and it very quickly ended before it ever started. But the good thing that happened was that my wonderful man realized how amazing having a three-way relationship could be... It no longer scared him. He saw that loving another man did not threaten what he and I had, but in some ways, even intensified it!
In one unusual way or another, since I was little, I wanted more than one spouse. I remember playing house and when more than two kids wanted to play the husband/wife I saw no problem with that! I voted to let as many people play those roles as wanted! My child mind saw nothing wrong with there being as many spouses as we wanted!
When I got older and stumbled on books with extended families like Robert Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land" or Joan D Vinge's "The Outcasts of Heaven's Belt" or sorta even "Another Roadside Attraction," by Tom Robbins, something inside me responded powerfully, a note was touched inside of me, and I knew that was what I wanted...
Let's talk. Let's chat. Let's discuss. Let's respect each other's opinions... Let's ... date?
We want love and support and a relationship, we are not just cruising for sex...we want an extended lover relationship with a third man. We know of poly fidelitous relationships that have lasted for over a decade. It can work!
Special thanks to
digression for providing me with two wonderful icons!!! ConnectInterests (98):
420, alternative relationships, artistic nudes, beards, bears, body hair, boxer shorts, boywatching, buddhism, camping, christianity, comunication, cubs, cuddling, daddy bears, dance music, discussion, dvd's, egypt, enterprise, ethical slut, ethical sluts, ethnic foods, facial hair, foreskins, gay, gay bears, gay literature, gay men, gay polyamory, gaybears, goatees, greek mythology, group relationship, hairy chests, hairy men, homosexuality, homosexuals, hunky men, josh hartnett, kansas city, kissing, leather, love, masculine, matt damon, men, multi-partner relationships, multipartner relationships, musclebears, neo paganism, neopaganism, nonmonogamy, open relationship, open relationships, pagan, paganism, partner, partners, poly, poly folk, poly love, polyaffection, polyamorist, polyamorists, polyamorous, polyamory, polyfamilies, polyfi, polyfidelity, polylove, queer, reading, relationship, relationships, responsible non-monogamy, romance, sci-fi, science fiction, science fiction fandom, sex, sexual ethics, sexuality, significant others, snuggling, stocky men, swimming, tattoos, tom cruise, tom robbins, travel, traveling, triads, trust, wicca, wine, writing, x-men
External Services:
 | poly_bear@livejournal.com |
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