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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in poly_bear's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
8:01 am
Hello, Again...It's Been Awhile
I "let" my husband have sex with another man last night and I am doing pretty damned well with it. Don't get me wrong, I think I should.

Especially since I want to sleep with other men, I damned well better be okay with it! Read more...Collapse )

AND SO... Last night my man slept with another man and I am okay. There is a phantom thing going on… You know, like people missing a limb and they feel a tickle? It was almost like logic was telling me I should be jealous or insecure, but I wasn’t really. Like the habit of darker emotions that either weren’t there, or were back along the path behind me yelling at me that I really should be upset, and I did pretty good at ignoring that voice. I focused on how much I loved R and how much I being with the boi by myself and not having to worry about a third being ignored or included, and how much I enjoy being alone sexually with the guy R was with. I let the love come through and it helped so much. And that I was here with two dear friends and not home alone! LOL! (I am on vacation and seeing a friend I haven’t seen in 20 years-since I was younger than the kid I was with)

R did have sexy fun too! LOL! If there was any jealousy it was that he did something that I would have wanted to do! But NO feelings of being threatened! YEAH!

Any thoughts or advise? I’m getting there!!!!

Cross posted to etical_sluts, gay_poly and polyamory
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
9:06 am
So....Where Have All The Single Men Gone? Well, We Got One Coming Over Tonight...
...not sure if it is a date or not...

We care immensely for him... I've known him for years... He was a neighbor until just two weeks ago when his ex sold the house out from under him... Or said he did. No one has taken possession.

What a long story he's been...good, bad, worrisome, joy filled, loving, mean, scatterbrained, loyal... So many things... Did I mention good in bed?Collapse )
Monday, August 15th, 2005
8:26 am
“R” & "W" Go on a Trip Together & I Deal Gloriously Well With Old Issues!!!! (& take a trip myself)
Were you really ready for this much honesty??

Yes, “R” and “W” are taking a trip together, without me, to GenCon for five days and four nights and yes...they will sleep together.

**takes deep breath**

I am amazed at how well I am dealing with this...and “R” is tricked by it. Just because I am dealing pretty damned well doesn't mean I am not feeling a tad insecure and a good bit envious as well. ...lj cut for more details and a short sexual ramble...Collapse )

So, yes, “R” will sleep with "W" and of course, they will do more than sleep. And that is okay. It has to be. These are things I am doing to make myself sane, believe it or not.

I have tried and tried and tried to get over “D” and what he did and in FIVE years I haven't really truly done so. Time has made it easier... Layers of sediment are settling over that part of my life. But it rears up time and again...

Buddhism teaches you to embrace your fears and hurts. And by doing things like “R” and I have been doing, to my total SHOCK, it is helping! I mean, fucking immensely!

Because if we can play together and not cheat... If we can actually give each other permission to play with someone on our own, without the other there. If that can EVEN include someone we ourselves will never get to play with... If all this can happen AND it is appreciated and it is fun and (this is the important part) Does Not Lead to Cheating...

Then it once and for all proves that...

“R” IS NOT “D”!

I had really come to believe that the ONLY way love could work is if we were totally and completely monogamous... And folks... I still felt cheated! Not cheated ON, but cheated. I knew I was missing something glorious!

...another piece of information that COULD be TMI and some “D” stuff...Collapse )Yes, embracing my fears, rolling around in them, taking chances (scary ones) and allowing myself to finally totally see that “R” is NOT “D” has done more to heal me than anything has in the last five years... I've truly healed more in the last month than I have in the last year or more...

I do not know what the future holds... Who does? Will we have an open relationship? Will we return to monogamy? Will we become a triad and be totally faithful to each other?

Who knows?

What counts is that I am learning to trust again. I just needed some fire to do so... And what's more, is that I know I am trusted. And that is pretty awesome...
Saturday, August 13th, 2005
10:24 pm
I Saw Our Lover Tonight...
...we spent the evening at a friend's house who knows all about us and they are all quite supportive, so that is good. My husband, "R," is out of town. "W" and I left and he didn't come in to play... Guess it was a tad late, but I wish he'd come in anyway. He and "R" are going to a gaming convention next week and will be gone 5 days and 4 nights and will get to do what I probably will never get to do with "W" and that is to sleep together...

I am dealing fairly well with that, but at the same time, it causes funniness in my stomach. Not that I think "R" will leave me or anything. I mean, he reminds me constantly that "W" is not ours and could leave any minute. I don't want that to happen and yet, there is a part of me that would almost be relieved. The part that didn't talk him into coming inside tonight?

I briefly broached the subject again about him talking to his husband. If he can't tell his husband about us, or the fact that he plays behind his back, that he at least start talking about them having an open relationship. Or at least, You know, start planting the seeds or something so that one day, they can discuss this. He immediately got very uncomfortable... He says when they got together over 10 years ago they briefly discussed it and his lover NIXED the idea. I told him that his husband wasn't the same person he was when they met. That his husband might be more into the idea now. His husband likes "bois." Legal, but young. "W" is a hot, youngish man (32?), but he is not the age that his husband LUSTS after... I told "W" about the benefits of beginning to plant these seeds. If they could have an open relationship, then his husband could have his bois and "W" could have his bears. "W" got weird faster than lightening... I could see he did NOT like the idea...

It shocked me. Well, I said, what's good for the goose is good for the gander... And he got even weirder... I can't really explain it... But it upset me. "W" is so wonderful and yet... He can cheat on his lover... He can tell me not to worry about it, that he is the one cheating not me. AND he is that kind of man who cheats but does NOT want his husband to be with anyone else???

It hurt...

...I know that sounds funny but it is true. "W" is one of the most amazing, sweet, caring, loving men I have ever known. How can he also cheat, AND how can he be against his lover having a good time as well? I realize a big reason that "W" plays is that his husband has heart problems and takes meds that takes away his sex drive and makes it difficult for him to have sex even when he feels like it... Maybe "W" feels that if his husband DOES feel like sex it had better be with him? And shit, the way his husband oogles young men, there must be some kind of sex drive there...

...anyway...

I could have talked "W" into coming in, I am sure of it, but I didn't. I wanted to. Oh, yes! I'm so horny right now I...never mind. But after that conversation... I just couldn't...

GOD I HOPE WHEN WE STOP HAVING SEX WE WILL STILL BE FRIENDS!!!! Sometimes I really think that is why I haven't stopped the sex thing a long time ago. I am afraid he'll drift off without the sex, and that isn't right, is it? If that is the only reason "W" sticks around, then it is all the wrong reasons. And yet I know better than that. "W" is amazing... I know he cares deeply for us and it isn't just the sex...

Processing, you know? Processing... Processing... Thank goodness for LJ.
Thursday, August 11th, 2005
1:15 pm
12:07 pm
11:59 am
A Poly Glossary
Some Postings today for my future benefit...

...Beyond this point lies a Poly Glossary...Collapse )
Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
3:10 pm
Big Surprise! LOL!
Your Ideal Relationship is Polyamory

You want to have your cake... and everyone else's.
Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too!
You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship.
You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.

2:12 pm
Can Anyone Recommend...
Can anyone recommend books on polyamory? I have The Ethical Slut, but I would like something else as well...

...I do much better when I process stuff and books help me a lot!

Thanks!

SPECIAL NOTE!!! While no one commented here, they certainly did at the various places I crossposted so make sure you check them out!

Crossposted to: gay_poly, mono_poly, polyamory, polyfi and polyrelations.
12:51 pm
Pissed Off bgaam
Today's posting is in reference to TIHS POSTING

**Sigh** It seems I really pissed off bgaam, and I never meant to... I signed off EARLY the other evening when there were only a few comments in my journal and in the hours since then, about a hundred comments flew back and forth between him and others. I didn't log back on until yesterday morning to see the chaos that had ensued... I apologized to him for all the confusion, and even defending him to some people... But he is pissed and has gone back to the posting I made and deleted all his comments so that in the future, when I use the posting for reference, a lot of the comments won't make any sense...

FORTUNATELY, I still have all the email notifications and will post them here so that I can refer to them and make sense of yesterday's posting...

I will say this and I will say it clear. THANK GOD HE ISN'T MY DOM!!!! I mean, WOW! His response to what he saw as criticism was to take his toys and go home! Can you imagine what his subs must go through???? He said his relationship was about love and devotion and trust... But he doesn't think his comments will stand up to the eyes of others??? It scares me thinking of those men out there that must do whatever he tells them to!

I was asking if it were true, as he asserted, that it is "standard poly fi practice," to have a Master or Dom in the relationship. I has asked him if he minded if I used his name, he didn't respond, so I quoted from the research he did, and a comment, without using his name...

Well, after I went to bed, he jumped into the flow of the comments in the posting and said I misquoted him. I would show you said posting in gay_poly, but immaturely, he deleted those as well. I guess he didn't want anyone checking and seeing what had really gone one. He didn't want anyone to see I had NOT misquoted him, had NOT twisted ANYTHING he had said, AND he didn't want people to see how civil I had been. Again, luckily, I still have almost every email notification from LJ and post for posterity what happened... Read more...Collapse )Can you imagine what his subs must go through???? He said his relationship was about love and devotion and trust... And this is how he behaves??? It scares me thinking that he is the head/Master of a household! Does he treat them as he did this situation? Does he just pout or get angry or constantly change his tale or take it out on innocent people?

He gets mad at ME and deletes all his comments AND tells me I am no gentleman, and all I did was go to bed and miss the fufarah! He couldn't "get back" at everyone, so he besmirches ME and bans me from commenting in his journal. Oh, heavens, will I live?

THANK GOD HE ISN'T MY DOM!!!!

Here is part of what I said in his posting at gay_poly, after his quote from another source, that polyfi families often had a Master or Dom... (I wanted to understand more about what he was talking about) Read more...Collapse )

Yes, he asserts that the definition is NOT his own, but then he goes on to say that as far as he knows, the definition is correct. It is from these comments that he claims that I misquoted him! That I twisted what he said! How did I do that?

Here then comes more drama and I only place it here for posterity... Please do not feel you need to read ANY of this... I just wanted it for MY records at a later date... Read more...Collapse )

See? Everything was going quite friendly... Now HERE is where things start to get weird...it still starts okay, and then wings way out somewhere...

This is what I said: Read more...Collapse )

So in other words, since I didn't see what was going in my posting because I went to bed... Because HE jumped in and told everyone that HE was the one I was talking about (and I had kept that a secret)... Since HE fought with people, (people who assured him they were not attacking him for his lifestyle, only that he was saying that D/s was standard poly practice)... Because I had stepped out of the flow of conversation when he started acting like a martyr and I wasn't able to say anything... Because he I was the only one he could finally really effect... His response is to delete all his replies and to get mad at ME and claim that I am not a gentleman!!!! How did I behave that could have in anyway been considered ungentlemanly???

I even defended his right to believe what he wanted to believe and to run his household the way he wanted to! I simply took exception to his use of the words "standard poly practice." That is it! And he attacks ME! I wasn't even online! I didn't see what was going on...

One of you theorized that he had made up his whole family and situation. I thought that was going too far... But after all this? Now I believe it! Maybe that is why he did what he did, and why he got so angry when he felt as if he were being attacked by you all!

But, MY, GOD! This man MAY be in charge of three individuals!!!! Does he do this to them????? Does he take things out on them? Does he pout? Does he take his toys and go home with those he claims to love?

THIS man is in charge of handing out guidance, direction, advice, comfort, compassion, love, support, dominance, discipline and wisdom???????????
Monday, August 8th, 2005
9:07 pm
Polyamory...Who's the Boss?
Today I saw a definition of polyfidelity that went thusly:

1. Relationship involving more than two people who have made a commitment to keep the sexual activity within the group and not have outside partners. (Rumor has it that this term was coined by the group Kerista.)
2. Often has a Master and subservients.
3. Usually involves communal living arrangement.

I was surprised. As you know, there are at least five poly fi families and they do not fit the master and subservants definition. So I asked the guy who had posted the definitions about this and he said...

"Historically, in the het/bi world a family has a hieracrhical [sic] structure - just like a regular family. Usually the dad or mom... ...It is my belief that unless there is indeed a family leader to settle issues; disputes, jealousy, drama, etc., and to have a swing vote in case of ties, there will be power issues that ultimately lead to the dissolution of the family.

I'm surprised you had not heard of this before. It is standard poly practice. I've been studying poly in it's many forms for many years."


I have also been reading The Ethical Slut and so far, there is nothing poly families being masters and servants...

Is this man right? Should he be surprised at my naivete?

I know I sure as hell are not giving control of my life to anyone, male or female, boss or preacher or priest or guru... Been there, done that, bought and threw away the t-shirt...

Not that I think there is ANY thing WRONG with Dom/Sub/Master/Slave etc relationships... Not at all! Whatever works for people! I just don't think a "standard part" of being in a polyfi relationship includes this. Certainly not in the situations I know of...

You thoughts? Any help you can give me would be appreciated.

Edit: The poster of that definition has stated that the definition was not his own definition. It came from information he compiled from the internet in his research. To be fair to me though, he did agree with the definition.

This was crossposted to ethical_sluts, mono_poly, polyamory and polyfi.
Saturday, August 6th, 2005
3:36 am
R and I Communicate!!!!!!!!
To my surprise and happiness, “R” brought “J” up last night. Remember I have said that “R” is not a very good communicator. He never had to be. He was an only child raised by a single parent since he was like five. His mother isn’t a real communicator herself, very very private… Not only that, but his mother barely saw him naked after he was potty trained or could take a bath by himself. He doesn’t want me in the bathroom when he is “using” it and we’ve been together for 4.5 years!

He loves alone time and that makes it really hard on me because I am very social. I am a person who likes to spend tons of time with my lover and share everything with him. Movies, books, vacations, experiences, and more. HELL! The first time I asked “R” if I could taste the food he had selected at a restaurant, he was stunned. Shocked even… Isn’t that wild? The first time I asked have a sip of his soda pop on a hot day, he asked, weirded out, “what about the germs?” I pointed out we had eaten each other’s Read more...Collapse ) He had one of his revelations (the teleport kind I’ve mentioned before) and said, “good point,” and we’ve been able to share a pop ever since. But he still thinks it’s weird…

He LOVES his alone time and he ability to do things on his own. It makes me feel isolated and insecure. But I am learning. I am learning to be my own primary… But I guess he is learning too.

Anyway, the point being… I had decided to not pursue “J” in anyway and to let “R” have that moment. I realized that a piece of advise I got was very possibly correct (damnit), that me wanting “J” was more related to jealousy issues or especially ego issues rather than wanting to share an experience with “R.”

And when one considers the fact that “R” is such an independent person and doesn’t need that sharing that I crave so much...I didn’t want to ruin anything. Spoil it. I don’t mean sex sharing, but just the simple sharing that partners do…

Yet, last night “R” asked me if I wanted to have sex with “J” and should he pursue a three-way? “R” brought it up! “R” -- the man who won’t communicate… I told him it wasn’t necessary, that I was attracted to “J” but I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable, I didn’t want to ruin anything. I explained all that I have said above…

To my surprise, he said that he didn’t understand half of what I was talking about and that he loved his evening with “J,” but a three-way would hardly ruin ANYTHING and that he was really turned onto the idea. “R” wants to pursue this three-way, even though I told him it was not necessary at all!

NOW what do I do? I told him to do what he wants, that is wasn’t necessary for there to be a three-way… He wants to. He wasn’t sure what approach to take with “J” on the situation though and I guess “R” was asking for MY advise!!!

You know what? (Duh) “R” is not my ex!!!

I told “R” that about the only kink I have ever found in him is that he likes to watch me Read more...Collapse )SO, a three-way might and might not happen. We will see.

It sure takes the pressure off. The three-way isn’t important to me… And R gave me a glowingly detailed report on what happened! Oooopppss! Sorry if you clicked on that and you weren't able to read it. I am not going to share that one with you though, sorry… I wrote that for my own private memories...

What matters is that I don’t NEED the three-way to happen anymore. I don’t know why, but I don’t. If it happens, it does, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t…

I feel so free! This is amazing! I can’t believe it!

And you know what else? (Duh) “R” is not my ex!!!

HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!

href="http://www.livejournal.com/community/polyamory/1470951.html">Polyamory Here</a>
Friday, August 5th, 2005
12:29 am
Life is Choice... (another rambling posting)
Interesting day...

...spent a long time thinking and taking alone time last night...

It is a big step my lover and I have taken in the last few days (which a lot of you have read about Here and Here ) and I am not sure what to think. SO many mixed emotions. You know? This is all so scary and exhilarating and so filled with dangers AND possiblities!

I have let my lover play with another man, all on his own, and well, he had a f*cking wonderful time and has been in a really good mood. **shakes head** And it was sex with a man besides me that has put him in this wonderful mood... Or helped.

I have such horrible terrible baggage with my ex and all his cheating and this new direction is making me not only face that stuff, but downright embrace it...

The first five years I was with my ex, "D," it was amazing. I was sooooo in love. And I thought he was too. I now suspect he may have even cheated on my on our honeymoon in New Orleans.

See, "D" and I played together, but only together. No separate f*cking (or so I thought, of course). And then I started getting really friendly with this black straight man at work. Very handsome. I am RARELY attracted to black men, but I was this guy, and sheltered little white boy, I wondered what it would be like to have sex with an African American.

And he was flirting like crazy. I thought he was straight, he said he was, but DAMN. He would even show me his Read more...Collapse )What had made it SO special for me…was all illusion. It had never been real…

So now I think…for years that experience was sullied. But maybe I should reclaim it? I’ve known something for a long time, but now I need to KNOW it… My experience with that man WAS special. Because what it meant to ME is that I loved “D” enough to be with someone else, and that it didn’t change how I felt about “D.” It WAS special to me and really, that is all that matters…

Sex with someone besides my “husband” was downright cosmic. What it was for me can still be true. It doesn’t matter what he did, that he sullied it. “D” ruined it for HIM! The whole thing could have been JUST as special for him. We are given free will, and he chose to do what he did.

So here I am on this threshold… This new beginning. In some ways I’ve already stepped through… I can turn around, right now. Before too many days pass… But I can’t undo the fact that “R” and I stepped through… We have both now had sex with someone besides each other, on our own, alone.

When “D” and I passed through that doorway, I “thought” we had entered into a new and wonderful land. Read more...Collapse )I worry that I could be unleashing the floodgates or the dogs of war with myself as well… Not just with “R.” What if I become a slut? The unethical kind? What if either of us start down a dark path, and it ruins our lives?

See, conformity and monogamy are so damned safe. Poly is dangerous. Scary. Conformists and monogamists have such a huge support in society, but not polyamorists! We have little to fall back on, few to ask for advice. Just small little communities online for instance… And the RARE book like, The Ethical Slut. If anyone knows any other books, PLEASE let me know…

I am just plain scared…

This new land I’m stepping into, “R” and I are stepping into, could be so wonderful!! But there are pits with razor sharp rocks we could fall into…and ruin everything…

But the, as people have said, there are pits everywhere aren’t there? Even in conformist, monogamous lives. We could reap benefits we would have never dreamed of by taking these steps…

And here is the part I really am so excited and scared about at the same time...including input? Advise I need…Collapse )
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
6:52 am
FORTY-FIVE MINUTES
Trying to figure our where to begin…

First and foremost, thanks to each and every one of you for your responses and comments yesterday/the other day. I felt so much understanding, so much (dare I say it?) love. There was so much good advice, and you all helped me more than I can possibly tell you. There was no judgment! And I meant it when I said I have been attacked in the past. I phrased a sentence “wrong” or something, and the avalanche of judgment fell… I was called immature, or close-minded, or passive-aggressive, or judgmental or any other host of ugly words. It was aweful. They were so busy attacking me for what they felt was judgment on my part that they never addressed my posting!

But as time passed I realized that – shit fire – we all have our issues and we all have our baggage and people were reacting to their own baggage and NOT what I was saying. A wonderful book is teaching me not to take anything personally… (“The Four Agreements). And I must extend that to “R” and his cowboy, “J.” Not to take what they are doing or not doing personally…

Okay…how to start? Maybe with something short I wrote yesterday evenging before everything really started? Here goes… So here I am, waiting for “W” to come pick me up for our date… Collapse )

Okay… Poly Mantra Number One: Communicate…ooommmm…communicate…ooommmm…communicate!

Remember to breath…remember to breath…

Okay… Now it is today… So, as I finished typing the preceding few paragraphs and “R” got home early and I went downstairs and gave him a big smooch, butterflies bouncing like crazy in my stomach… A few minutes later “W” knocked on the door and he and I headed off for our movie. “The Island.” It was much better than I thought it was going to be and I recommend it… Read more...Collapse )

But still felt insecure this morning until I re-read advise and read some new advise… My favorites centered around several comments…Read more...Collapse )

Life is risk.

And this poly-thing could come with so many rewards…

I think the biggest thing is…just to take one day at a time…

Too be continued...
href="http://www.livejournal.com/community/polyamory/1468450.html">Polyamory Here</a>
Monday, August 1st, 2005
10:04 pm
On Open Relationships...
Hey...

I haven’t posted again in quite a awhile…life has been interesting and I am growing. So is my lover… When I have posted it has mostly been about poly-fi… I find that there are some developments that I never expected from a different direction.

First: I am cross-posting this and I hope it doesn't upset anyone.

Second: So often when I post here I get jumped on like crazy and no one addresses what I was writing/asking about... I will somehow offend someone by the way I phrase my posting and it is never my intention. **sigh**

A major reason why I so rarely post. It is obvious to me that I am not the only one in the world with baggage. Those people who jump my case so bad have baggage as well or they would just skip right to answering my questions or addressing my concerns instead of attacking me for phrasing a sentence in a way that personally offended them for some reason...

Big intro? Sorry... I really need some advice bad... SHIT! There is so much to say and I don’t want to write a novel or no one is going to read all this…Read more...Collapse )

I think the most important thing is that the people in a relationship agree to an arrangement and stick to it. It can change, but all people involved must agree to the changes. That is not what happened. Read more...Collapse )

How do you play outside the relationship without forming to deep an attachment?? Or in my case, how do I get over the blinding fear that if I allow “R” to play as well, that HE won’t find someone new? He is even more emotional than I am (if that is fucking possible). He gets just as emotionally attached to things and places and people as I do…

How do I get over the fear that “R” won’t do what my ex did? Read more...Collapse )

Did I use the word “jealous?” Yes, I did! I hear all the time that couple have NO jealousy and I just need to cast mine off. That jealousy is silly. Well, hell! Jealousy is a very basic emotion! It is totally normal! It is instinctual! Dogs and cats and even fish in one’s aquarium feel jealousy!!! How in the blue blazing f*ck do I “just” cast off jealousy? Especially in my case???Read more...Collapse )

Okay… TONIGHT…Read more...Collapse )
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
9:43 am
Hey There...It's Been Awhile...
My husband, R, and I are looking for a spouse... This is not an add.

We have a friend that we care for very much and who cares a lot for us. We are also intimate with him sexually. The relationship has taught all three of us a lot. R and I wish this could be permanent but alas, it can't be.

He knows we wants something permanent and he has expressed that he is sorry that he cannot offer more. I have reminded him that we are still looking for something permanent and we all hope that we will still be able to be friends when R and I start dating...

Now once again I need to ask, how the hell do you find a third? They are quite easy to find for the evening or an hour or two, but that is not what we are looking for. We want something that could turn poly-fi. The gay papers in our city are a total joke, advertising in them would be useless. Weeks go by with a single add about some guy over 60 who is into feet. I cannot even imagine the consequences of advertising there...

The whole idea of advertising for a man/spouse/boyfriend (pick a word-I am new at these ideas) is weird to R, but for goodness sakes, we are looking for something a little unusual. There are thousands of poly people out there, but how many wear T-shirts? The bars aren't the answer, any more than when one is single. It can work, but that is the exception rather than the rule (I knew a couple who were together 20 years and they met in a bath house).

I don't think there is anything wrong with using the computer age to help us find someone. Surely it eliminates a hell of a lot of bad dates and terribly wrong situations...

Where the hell does one advertise? I know I have heard about a wonderful service online, but I can't find it...

HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks,
"B"
Monday, November 15th, 2004
3:08 pm
HHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!
DISCLAIMER / PLEASE NOTE! For me, polyamory is fidelity. I am NOT judging the different definitions of polyamory... I have pissed people off in these communities before (and can only assume that they have baggage too, most especially the baggage of being judged). I do NOT mean to. I know that for me, that when the time is finally right, the poly relationship I want will be a closed fidelitous (sp?) relationship. That does NOT mean that one of cannot occasionally do something. I am adult enough know that if it is hard to find a man who finds both my lover and I sexy. Can you imagine finding a man that would find all three of us sexy??? And a three way can be daunting to people. What if he found out that guy he wanted came with THREE men!

I know this is stupid.

Please don't lecture me. Be kind...

I am new to this poly-thing, despite the fact that it is something that I have wanted for more years than I know.. My partner, R, didn't want it! (not initially). But as he began to see how much I loved him and that loving someone else did not mean I loved him less...and after four years, he has warmed up to the idea...

Anyway, I almost cheated on my man one night. Read more...Collapse )
Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
5:22 pm
Well, I Screwed Up In My Last Post and Fixed It So No One Could Commet!
Hello! It's Been Awhile Since I Have Posted...

...and the last time I posted, I got some wonderful information...

(I haven't posted here before)

I have been fascinated with the idea of polyamory since I was a little kid and had was too naive to know what I was fascinated with. When we played house, I wanted more than one spouse! LOL!

I am in a relationship and am interested in having a fidelitous polyamorus relationship. We know several LONG term three and four partner relationships and think it is a damn fine idea! When he and I met, he was pretty upset about the idea of polyamory, but he had only just come out. He'd never had a relationship with ONE man, let alone more than one. In the three and a half years we've been together, he has come to not only understand, but is attracted to the idea now.

But how in the world does one get INTO a poly relationship? It might be different in NYC or SFO or Atlanta or something, but KC tends to be a bit ... vanilla? That isn't even close to the right word, but even though I live in a large city with millions of people, there just aren't any support groups or clubs or whatever.

My spouse said he HATES the idea of "advertising," and when is is meant to be, it will be. But goodness! How would you even start? I am not crazy about placing an ad either, and when I have done things like put my profile in Friendster and then scanned profiles within a hundred miles of KC, there was NOTHING for a gay man/men. I've heard of PolyMatchmaker, and that just seems a little weird to me also...

It goes right back to the same difficulty as finding one partner when you are single! It is bad enough for straights, but gay men can meet gay men in ... BARS! And finding love in a bar is NEVER easy!

Any advise at all out there?
4:20 pm
Hello! It's Been Awhile Since I Have Posted in a Poly Community...
...and the last time I posted, I got some wonderful information...

(I haven't posted here before)

I have been fascinated with the idea of polyamory since I was a little kid and had was too naive to know what I was fascinated with. When we played house, I wanted more than one spouse! LOL!

I am in a relationship and am interested in having a fidelitous polyamorus relationship. We know several LONG term three and four partner relationships and think it is a damn fine idea! When he and I met, he was pretty upset about the idea of polyamory, but he had only just come out. He'd never had a relationship with ONE man, let alone more than one. In the three and a half years we've been together, he has come to not only understand, but is attracted to the idea now.

But how in the world does one get INTO a poly relationship? It might be different in NYC or SFO or Atlanta or something, but KC tends to be a bit ... vanilla? That isn't even close to the right word, but even though I live in a large city with millions of people, there just aren't any support groups or clubs or whatever.

My spouse said he HATES the idea of "advertising," and when is is meant to be, it will be. But goodness! How would you even start? I am not crazy about placing an ad either, and when I have done things like put my profile in Friendster and then scanned profiles within a hundred miles of KC, there was NOTHING for a gay man/men. I've heard of PolyMatchmaker, and that just seems a little weird to me also...

It goes right back to the same difficulty as finding one partner when you are single! It is bad enough for straights, but gay men can meet gay men in ... BARS! And finding love in a bar is NEVER easy!

Any advise at all out there?
Thursday, January 15th, 2004
9:08 am
More Thanks (I will be posting more too!!!)
Special thank to those people in the Poly Communities who have responded to my posts...

polyamory has given me some wonderful info first HERE and then HERE. Thanks to all of you!

I also got some nice thoughts from the polyfi Community right HERE!

What excellent communities! I don't feel so alone anymore!
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